THUNDER BAY -- Nicole Gallinger was like any expectant mother.
She was thrilled and looking forward to raising her child, ready to share laughter and tears with her husband and family as their first bundle of joy arrived in the world.
That was more than 14 months ago.
But soon after Ciaran was born, Gallinger began feeling pangs of anxiety and never seemed to have enough energy to get through the day.
She had no idea she was suffering from postpartum mood disorder.
She had no clue she wasn’t alone.
All throughout her pregnancy, her friends kept telling her what a joyous occasion motherhood would be, how natural it would feel when Ciaran was born.
When he arrived five weeks early, it threw both Gallinger and her husband for a loop.
“Everything changed so suddenly,” she said on Thursday at the launch of a PPMD PhotoVoice project, a collection of pictures taken by four women suffering from the disease, an initiative conducted in conjunction with the Thunder Bay Counselling Centre and seven other similar organizations across Northern Ontario.
“Overnight it seemed that I had become a mother, but I didn’t know what that was. There’s no real manual for parenthood, but society, other parents and your subconscious are all trying to tell you different.”
For months Gallinger struggled with PPMD, battling isolation, exhaustion and a growing lack of confidence, which left her emotionally drained and unable to deal with even the smallest task.
“It was especially taxing on all of my relationships. But through the PhotoVoice project I’ve been able to understand the normality of these feelings, strategies to use and most importantly, that I’m not alone,” she said.
Her photos represent her myriad of emotions. Strained Compassion depicts her cats pawing at each other on a window sill, while Empty Fog shows an empty coffee cup and denotes the fog she felt she was living through after Ciaran was born.
Abi Sprakes, the manager of clinical services at Thunder Bay Counselling Centre, said no parent should feel they’re a failure because they suffer from PPMD. It’s a lot more common than many might realize, she added.
One in five women develop some form of PPMD. But it also hits one in 10 fathers.
More resources are desperately needed, especially in Ontario’s north, Sprakes said.
“There’s no current conversation happening about the need for services for women and families who are experiencing post-partum mood disorder,” she said.
“We know that it’s a really important time to be able to intervene in a woman’s life when she’s just had a baby. It’s important for her, it’s important for her child and it’s important for the family. We want to raise awareness, we want to reduce stigma and shame, because that often comes with feelings of depression and anxiety once you’ve had a baby, especially if you feel as though you should be exited and that motherhood should have felt differently.”
The Thunder Bay PhotoVoice, funded by the Trillium Foundation, is on display at the Blue Sky Community Healing Centre on East Victoria Avenue.
